The Heart's Memory
by Tallemy
Summary: You can't erase a person's memories because something can't be found in the brain, but in the heart.


**{The heart's memory}**

Memory is a mysterious thing indeed. No matter how hard Alpha tried to remember his life before El Dorado, every time his mind went completely blank covering the past. He did everything he could just to shake off that unpleasant feeling, but everything was blank as a fresh paper. Alpha felt it, no, he knew that important things happened back then, but something always prevented him from remembering. After a while he decided to leave them in the dark. If he couldn't remember his past then it was just some unnecessary junk and he didn't need those for his mission. Probably because if they kept changing the past, the memories could've caused confusion.

But his brain didn't let them get away that easily. A sudden chain of foreign memories invaded his thoughts after he met Fey for the first time in the past. The boy defeated him with the help of a blue teddy bear. It was ridiculous. As he stood there frozen in place and unknown feeling sneaked back to him. His head was growing warm as his eyesight became clouded by images he didn't know, by places what seemed so distant to him.

In the end everything stopped at the unfamiliar vision, he felt sick and dizzy but his body just stood in its place never losing its balance, like it wasn't his at all. He tried to move but nothing, he was trapped.

He saw a little boy racing toward him from the other side of the road. He couldn't been more than five years old, assumed Alpha judging from his height, the childish attire and his cartoony backpack. The child said something but Alpha's body turned its back to him and left him there. For one last time he checked the boy who still followed him like a puppy and slowed down his pace so the smaller one could get closer with each step. He could literally feel how nervous was the owner of the vision when his companion reached his hand towards him with a wide smile, but he accepted it and reached the end of the dream.

His subordinates stared at him with worried looks, but they decided to let him be when the leader announced their retreating.

"Is everything okay, Sir?" asked Einamu when they got back to the base.

"Yes, don't worry."

He did everything just to erase those mirthful images from his head. They were unnecessary for his mission so why should he keep them?

Late night he decided on rewatching their failure, analysing the team's weaknesses and movements. However when he replayed the scene when Fey Rune used that annoying "MixiMax" with a Tyrannosaurus he had to stop the video for a short break because slowly his headache gotten worse over the past minutes.

He couldn't bear it anymore, so he just rested his head on the cold table and tried to avoid any sudden movement. But as he closed his eyes new images invaded his mind. This time the sensation was more intense and aggressive. He tried to fight it down but at some point the pain became unbearable, so he gave in and let the unwanted vision have his way with his brain.

The little boy was now much older, maybe 8-9 years old and he hauntingly reminded him of that irritating invincible rodent, Fey Rune. Yet his feelings were completely different or preferably the person in the dream felt otherwise. It wasn't irritated by the sight of the boy. No. He would dare to make a bet that he was happy. Disgustingly happy, but there was an inexplicable sensation, what come from his own heart. Fear. An alien feeling which he never really experienced in his entire life, the fear of losing someone.

They were at a riverbank. The owner of the body sat in the grass reading a book about marine life. Sometimes glancing up just to make sure his friend was still in his place and hasn't wandered too far away. The boy tried to get him into playing football, but he refused by shaking his head and returned to his book.

He felt a strange déjà vu for the first time. He knew something will happen in this dream. Something terrible. Alpha couldn't do anything, but to carefully observe the events. The person was unaware of the danger and when he glanced at the green-haired boy again, he was nowhere to be found.

His heart stopped for a moment, but he was too scared to move. Where was the boy?

Where was _Fey_ _Rune_?

After the initial finally something happened and with quick steps he leapt into the water. Everything was green and turbid and as he swam downward the bottom of the river the water gradually became darker.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He was out of air and his lung burned like it was on fire. He collected his last strength and reached out into the darkness just to grip some kind of cloth. The crimson water clouded his range of view. Dishearteningly much blood.

The vision ended with this. Alpha felt the calming coldness of the table again as he opened his eyes. Suddenly his hearts seemed so empty.

It felt too real and too familiar to be a daydream. But even if they were memories, they couldn't belong to him. He never even met Fey Rune except when he tried to stop him from altering future. How would he have memories about him?

The trainings at El Dorado became especially rough after the Tenmas interfered with their plans. The simulation was more like a warzone where his subordinates fell one after another. The session ended when a ball sent Quartz flying into the ground. He wasn't injured from the impact but got a small bruise on his forehead and a thin blood line streamed down on his face.

No one really cared about such nuisance, because injuries like that happened more than once per week. Yet it triggered another vision. Each film was played only once, so Alpha observed everything that could be at his help.

Everything was calming white from the curtains to the walls, but his attention was focused on the boy sleeping on the bed before him. It had a high chance that this dream took place after the incident at the river because Fey's head was covered in bandages. So both of them survived. This perception somehow calmed his heart, yet irritated him more than it should. He didn't care about that mutated rat, then why? Why was he happy just to see him safe and sound? Was this happiness? No, it couldn't be. That was an unnecessary human emotion. And emotions only slowed him down and expanded his range of weaknesses.

He was unable to take away his gaze from Fey. The vision didn't let him. He only arrived back to reality when the boy finally opened his eyes and probably asked about what happened to him, but Alpha couldn't move an inch. He would've sworn that he was shivering from... happiness? Again. This feeling. How he despised it from the depth of his heart.

"Irritation" is not the right word for this. The whole incident disturbed him on a new level, but if he just said a word about the returning dreams that would've ended with his instant demotion due to mental instability or how the hell they called it at the organisation.

Somehow he hid every sign what could imply that he is incapable of taking care his missions successfully, until THAT fated day. He got the mission to stop Endou Mamoru before he creates Raimon Junior High's soccer club and he did his best to do so and hoped that nothing would intercept him this time.

Yet it seemed fate thought otherwise. In the moment when he and his comrades attacked the Tenmas. Every time the Duplis got hit, their owner shook in pain, yet Fey never gave up; and that determination in his eyes... Caused an oh so familiar warmth in his head while another quick event were triggered.

After the last two times he wasn't even surprised that the main character of the dream was Fey again. In a kitchen. He was giggling cheerfully, though he still couldn't hear any sound, Alpha had some ideas how would the boy's laughter sound. Then he got into an intense explanation while pointing at various things shattered on the kitchen table. For the first time he wished he could hear what's going on. Out of sheer curiosity and this weirded him out. Why would he even care about that?

This was getting more ridiculous with every second. Random dreams about a boy he never talked to. He was about to call himself crazy when Alpha saw the reflection of the dream's owner.

It was the younger version of himself, with a hideously happy smile. This couldn't be him. But this would explain everything. The visions he saw weren't dreams, but memories.

When he came to his senses, the new boy and Matsukaze Tenma was about to score a goal. They easily break through Protocol Omega's defence and if it weren't for Alpha's composure they would've got their third goal in one match.

His position was in risk. He knew this when the commander called his team 'weak'. Probably one more failure and they meet their end.

But somehow... He couldn't care less about this, because that vision or, memory, still haunted him. When did everything happen? And why couldn't he remember anything if his relationship with Fey was so good? What happened to them over the years? That one image caught his attention.

His own smile was more terrifying than any rotting corpse or giant monster. In the night he sat up more than one time until he just couldn't sleep anymore. Why couldn't he forget about the whole incident? If it was his past then why he couldn't remember it? Did El Dorado...

Yes.

That was the truth. Emotions meant a disadvantage in this organisation. They didn't need someone who voices his opinion or have the slightest chance to go against them. No. All El Dorado needed was obedient puppets who did what was told to them, never questioning the rightfulness of their acts. To prevent treasons the organisation erased everything from his brain. Yet even with the power of the future's machines they couldn't get rid of everything and now this happened. His memories got tangled up with the memories of the old him.

But this now explained a lot of things. The pained expressions Fey made when they met for several occasions. Because Fey still remembered everything about their past and probably treasured the memories more than Alpha did.

However he couldn't worry about things like this. If the mission fails tomorrow their punishment will be inevitable. Alpha didn't know the methods El Dorado used on useless subjects, but he could imagine them executing the whole Protocol Omega. A weak team was useless and there was no reason to lock them up. Maybe they'll alter their memories again to create ruthless monsters.

None of those would make a good ending.

In the match he did everything he could, but they didn't stand a chance against their opponents. Only if those Duplis were never created...Probably they would've won without a fight or any soccer match. Why did they exist anyway and how could Fey Rune create such artificial life-forms from his avatar?

It seemed that his head wanted to answer this question really badly without asking him first.

This memory had taken place on a small road somewhere in downtown. It was a cold winter night, he could see white puffs appearing before him. From the rhythm of the little clouds he associated that he was running. After or away? It was another mystery, but it was answered quickly when his green haired friend showed up on the corner. His eyes were red from crying and he looked determined as he jumped at him with his full weight and tried to keep Alpha in place. He didn't understand the whole scene unfolding before him, but he could see the panic in Fey's eyes and he would swear to hear his voice trembling with desperation as the boy hugged him. Maybe he tried to calm him down but nothing worked and he knew… He had to go.

In the town lights he understood his feelings for the first time as he gently kissed Fey on the forehead accompanied by a few silent words, before he ran off again. He wished he didn't look back, but the past him was an idiot, a bigger idiot than the present him. Fey looked at Alpha's quickly receding figure dumbfounded, his cheeks were a little flushed yet he didn't try to stop him this time.

Then he realised. He didn't only lock up his monsters deep inside his mind's cellar. No. In another chamber his soul was kept as a prisoner. He locked away his feelings, moods, his dreams and those quiet words Fey told him on that night.

And now his soul revenged itself by showing him the past he tried to get rid of. But with this Alpha felt a big chunk missing from his heart. Even if he got back that particular feeling of affection his soul still cried for his lost part.

He knew were well where did he leave it.

_Even if I go away, I'll stay with you._

These words clearly echoed in his mind with the picture of Fey's tears even after he was sent to the deepest part of the prison after their failure. No matter how harsh he was with the green haired boy, he actually believed in Alpha. If the old him had feelings for the boy, could it be that the present him inherited them?

Alpha silently reached for his communicator in hope that he can call Fey for the last time before they disconnect him from the server. He could only heard static noise, but after a while silent breathing joined into the silence.

"Fey..." he called out for the boy. Now that he finally contacted him, what should he say to him? That he really regrets forgetting about him? He did enough damage on their relationship already... So in the end he decided on two words what included everything the captain of Protocol Omega couldn't say out loud. "Thank you."

Alpha heard a faint gasp on the other side of the line.

"Alpha... I'm-" before Fey could say anything he got disconnected. Probably they saw Alpha's signals and deleted his communicator from the system for good.

His heart suddenly became lightweight like those words had lifted a curse from his body. This must have been the same feeling as reuniting with a long lost relative. He touched his cheeks surprised. Since when? Tears of relief begin streaming down his face, even though it was the most unbelievable thing in the world Alpha could do. But no one could see his silent tears in the darkness. It was okay. He wouldn't fight with his feelings anymore.

_Thank you for loving me, for always being beside me, for making me happiest man alive... But the most important is..._

_Thank you for never giving up on me even after I did the possibly most horrible deed in this history. _

_Forgetting the most important thing in my life._

_-You._

* * *

_**A/N: The stupidest, most illogical story I've ever written.  
**_

_**There was a short-story about a girl losing her memory due to internal shock, it was a gruesome horror tale… Only read it if you have a really really really strong stomach, because it has everything from torn out eyeballs to people twisted inside-out and so on. Actually, it was the most disgusting and shocking story I've ever read.**_


End file.
